I see trees of green, red roses too.

Spring is here! The cloudy skies cleared up, the trees turned green, the flowers started blooming and the pigeons got randy. It is pretty amazing to me every season, but especially this year. I've seen two seasons change and the daylight hours shift in discrete detail. I have literally stopped to smell the flowers on several occasions.

The reason I am so amazed is because in years past I've gotten in my car to drive to my parents house from Richmond and about 45 minutes into the drive I suddenly realize that all of the trees have already lost most of their leaves and I marvel at the fact that I missed it all. Where was my attention since summer??? Seriously, how distracted can one person be?

I'm not just getting to travel and see Europe, I'm also learning a new speed of life. I know it sounds cliche and it is tough to explain but I'll give it a shot. When I came to Belgium, I was expecting my mere attendance to change my life. I was sorely disappointed when I realized that folks here rushed off to work and ran errands in spare time and worked too much overtime just like us Americans. (Admittedly this may be an anomaly of the capitol of Belgium and the EU...big shit happens here) I was watching all of this rush around me and I was sat there thinking "Well just great, now who is gonna fix me?!?" But my life here moves slower than anyone else around me. Sure I go to French class 6 hours a week and I watch the boys for 20 hours, but other than that the rest of the 142 hours a week are mine to do with whatever I want!
I don't have errands to run or grocery shopping to get done. I take care of my own laundry, but beyond that I'm a free woman. It's not as glamorous as it may seem at first. Let me tell you right now that I have time and again had to fight back the near crushing waves of guilt for not being "employed." That's just a symptom of my upper middle class american upbringing. At the same time though, I've had oodles of time for conversations with myself (no, not the crazy kind...call off the men in white coats) but real honest to god chats with me about just what the hell I'm doing here on this planet. You all know that I'm normally introspective, so to improve on that you can imagine the work I'm doing. Some days I curse myself for coming here, not making the 'wise career moves.' Nowadays though I'm coming to accept that I'm not a career kind of person. Never will be. I'm not a strategic person, I'm just a curious person. So for all of this talking to myself and flower sniffing, I've come to the conclusion that I need to keep following my curiosities whatever they may be and forget how each piece will fit into a master plan.
My master plan is this...fuck it, I'm having fun.